It’s a Snow Day here in the suburbs, which means sitting around in jammies, napping, reading, and watching the X-files all day long. Beagle-Dog and I did take a morning hike through the snow before anything was plowed. It was a serious workout. This is part of my complex (above), panorama’d together from a bunch of different snapshots.

I also had the time to sit around and mull over some things I liked and disliked, and spent some serious jammie-time on the computer, meticulously compiling them. They’re boring, and long, but here they are.

The Great Boot Hunt: Crashing in and out of shoe stores in search of perfect Victorian-style button-up boots is fun. I kind of hope I don’t find them so I can keep at it.

The X-Files: now out of my childhood “featherweight pansy” stage, I can join the adventures of the dashing and daring duo of Mulder and Scully in laboratories, factories, underground caverns, sewers, and other needlessly ill-lit locales in an effort to find The Truth.

The Super Bowl: I anticipate drinking pink alcohol and screaming for a team I don’t really care about. Point One: America.

The final season of Lost: After vowing to leave the show once and for all, I turned up on the couch at Lost-time with a sheepish expression. I was rightfully teased. I enjoyed the double-episode very much and look forward to the rest of the season, especially this very slick parallel-dimension thing they’re doing, which is much better than the flashbacks.

Groundhog Day: pompous outfits, mustaches and a hilarious, fat little ground-dweller. Pennsylvania is famous for this.

Taco Tuesday at the local deli: adds a little spice (pun intended) to the workweek’s saddest day. Tuesday is not Monday, day of Communal Bitching; it’s not Hump Day; it’s not The Day before Friday; and it’s definitely not The Day Before The Weekend When Everyone Stops Caring And That’s Acceptable.

Fresh Socks: If I were sickeningly rich, my indulgence would not be Crystal (spelling?) or grills or a Hummer or a yacht or a mansion on Martha’s Vineyard. If Cribs were ever to visit me, it would focus me on my luxurious Wall O’ Socks. I would pull a brand-new, fresh, feathery, cushy pair off my wall every day and wear it gleefully. If I were feeling particularly decadent, I would change socks partway through, perhaps when coming home for work or before departing for the gym. There would be close-ups of me rubbing the fresh, clean, unworn socks against my face before putting them on my feet and sighing happily. It would come across as some kind of a foot-fetishist piece and would probably never be aired.

The possibility of naming a building on campus after Stephen Colbert: Although PSU is already famous for being the subject of Paranormal State, for its record-breaking (by sheer age, plus a pretty good win record) coach and team, and for its Blue Band (TM) appearing in a Marc Jacobs runway show, this would really catapult us to the stars.

Daddy/daughter dances: You know why my dad and I are awesome? Why we get along and hang out and swap book & movie recommendations? Here’s why: we never did anything like this. Ever. I also don’t like that Obama called his daughter chubby.

Black-Eyed Peas at the Grammys: Fergie peeing herself would have really added to that Gaga-inspired over-the-top ensemble piece with the dancing vaginas in the background.

iPhone nightmares: I have nightmares in which I try out a Windows-based smartphone and can’t find a suitable font for it. Literally half the dream is me wandering through ugly typographic choices in strange colors, desperately looking for, like, Garamond. However, Apple isn’t completely owning my heart: iPad? Really? Insert some kind of “it’s only good for a few hours and then you throw it out” joke here. Insert some “flow of information” joke here. Regardless, Apple can make anything, any old iShit, and still turn a handsome profit at this point, so I guess my point of view is irrelevant.

The State Patty’s Day controversy. In my town, people tumble from windows, down stairs, in front of cars, and down elevator shafts (true story) because they are drunk. Every weekend. And sometimes not on the weekend. For big events, cops on horses and/or in riot gear line the streets. There are cameras everywhere. Where do I live? New Orleans? No. I live in a little town in a cornfield with a drinking problem, and a property damage problem, and a rioting problem, and an “if you’re getting alcohol pumped from your stomach, it’s a good day, because there’s worse stuff that’s already happened tonight to someone else” problem. And this town goes ahead and invents itself another excuse to drink: State Patty’s Day, for those years when Saint Patty’s Day happens to fall over Spring Break, because an opportunity lost for drinking is tragic. This was cute, sort of, because the college students came up with it themselves, and organized it themselves, but it happens even on years when Saint Patty’s isn’t over Spring Break. Now it’s become such a problem that they call in extra police and ambulances and have the borough writing letters to the downtown businesses telling them not to encourage it. And it seems that there’s no way to stop thousands upon thousands of people flooding downtown in search of alcohol. What’s a person to do? I’m not sure.

[edit]: This post was linked to in an anti-State-Patty’s-Day community online. I feel that I need to add a note that I do design for a store that sells green shirts, including a State Patty one. (I’m not fond of the holiday, but I’m not about to ditch my utterly great job in protest.) We’ve been receiving some very nasty e-mail because of the shirts. As much as I personally dislike this and all other binge-drinking occasions, sending snide e-mails to stores that carry green gear isn’t helping the cause. People who sell green gear are trying to maintain the expense of maintaining their businesses, which are pretty much entirely dead when football isn’t in season. (I could get into the finances of maintaining a seasonal store, especially in a high-rent place like downtown, but this isn’t the time or place for it.) If you’re truly concerned, I’m not even sure what to recommend to fix the situation, because you’d really have to somehow change the entire drinking culture of many thousands of people, or perhaps get the law involved, perhaps to crack down on bars serving the already-inebriated. Maybe you can volunteer to help give people rides back home so they can’t harm themselves on the way home. Maybe you can host an alternative activity away from downtown with fewer or no alcoholic beverages. The problem isn’t the shirts; the problem is the community’s attitude. Most people can handle it more or less like a regular weekend, but there’s that 25% or so who will completely lose themselves in the name of this “holiday.” This is a community problem, and we are part of this community and need to solve it together.

Wow, that final bit got serious.

Let’s get some Puppies in a Basket up in here:

Much better. Shelties are soothing.

I went to the dog part tonight: a freezing, somewhat pathetic outing that didn’t last very long. Surprisingly, there were other people there, also shivering while the pups pounced and romped. Regardless, the sunset was lovely, and I shoddily captured it above. You can click to make it bigger if you’d like.

Happy House-day! ♥ Leah

My mom sent me an e-mail with this photograph inside.

She took blank dog ornaments and painted them to look like our dogs (hers, left, and mine, right):

I think that this is one of the most adorable things she’s ever done, and she’s done a lot of cute stuff. She used to let me pick out my own fabric and make me skirts out of it for school. We got awesome handmade Halloween costumes every year (including the year my brother went as Chucky the doll from the Child’s Play series — when he was in second grade — complete with plastic knife and doused in faux blood). She made a great deal of our Christmas ornaments, either painted or from scratch.

She’s also making my wedding dress, my bridesmaids’ dresses, and my fiancé’s Neo getup (worn here by my dad):

I’m the chubby smiling one on the left; my bestie is rocking a fabulous purple dress made based on my dress but in purple (best color ever); and my dad (who’s about my fiancé’s size) is eerily displaying my fiancé’s outfit. (Creeper face! Poor lighting!) That outfit is actually an altered Matrix Neo pattern my mom picked up at JoAnne’s. We’re having a sort of Asian-purple-and-orange-undersea wedding, which is pretty much just all of the things we like smooshed into one event.

So anyway, that covers the crafts & genetics segment of our show! Tune in later for more adventures, photos, and drawings!

My Super Bowl pick this year is:

NEW ORLEANS!!!

Here are the reasons why (none of which have to do with sports):

1. I wanted to draw a Mardi Gras mask. BAM! There it is!

2. I like their logo better. As a fan of all things Marie Antoinette, I ♥ fleur-de-lis.

3. Although their mascots (Blue and Gumbo) are equally cute, overall, I prefer dogs to horses. Sorry, Blue. I hope we can hang out another season.

4. I like New Orleans better. I think they’ve been having a rough go of it lately (to say the least). This would mean more to them than to their duller northern counterpart. I also like the Cajun accents, Gambit, spicy chili, the French language (especially when not being spoken by Parisians sneering at you on trains), and the architecture. I like that it’s one of the only parts of the USA that was originally owned by France and still maintains some of that culture. There’s also something to be said for a booby-and-mask-themed holiday.

And finally, 5. Because this image creeps me out. I’m calling PETA: the Colts are taking nice, regular horses, putting them in clothes, and pumping them with steroids.

( That’s alarming. )

Now, on the other hand, all that said, I won’t really be sad if the Colts win, because I like Peyton Manning. I appreciate his sense of humor about his awkwardness. He was hilarious on SNL, especially in the Locker Room Dance sketch. Unfortunately, the video doesn’t seem to be online, but I did find this picture, which pretty much captures the essence.

If anyone has something relevant to say about the Super Bowl, they can post it here, but it’s most likely going to fall upon deaf ears. It’s hard for me to get really worked up either way. Like I said, I just felt like drawing a Mardi Gras mask.

Due in part to the fact that I’m engaged, I went on a spree a few months ago to design up some wedding invitations. I got all sorts of carried away and even began to design some that weren’t anywhere close to my and my fiancé’s themes. I wound up putting them on my Etsy account and they’ve been selling pretty well, actually, especially for just a little side project that I haven’t taken much time to promote.

Well, now I think I might put a little more time into it, because it’s caught on. I was featured in Style Collective!

The piece that was used was this one:

I’ve already sold one of them and I really like its symmetrical, letterpressy style, so I’m glad it was the one they chose. I also love that weird pattern that’s going on behind the bird etchings, which I made myself. (I went through a phase where I was obsessed with designing my own patterns.)

Here’s another:

Here’s a detail from one I just did (finished this morning for the client):

This very adorable couple is getting married on a wallaby/ostrich/camel farm, which has to be the awesomest ever. It was a custom variation on the bird branch design, of which I just sold two a few weeks ago.

And, finally, saving the best for last. I think these are hella-tight:

Someone used these for their Halloween bash. They changed the “directions” card to a “meal” card and listed things that they were serving: eye of newt, monkey brains, blood wine, etc. It rocked.

Being a designer is pretty sweet. You get to meet all sorts of people: the wackier, the better.

Many hugs and happy weekend! Love, Leah

Behold! (You can click to make it bigger, if you wish.)

I drew the first two using a croquis, which is a fancy word for fashion template. (The third I actually did first, and ran out of room on the paper, leaving me with sad lopped-off feet.) At first, the only templates I could find were all skinny and stylized and not like me at all. I finally found some acceptable plus-sized ones here. Although I don’t technically wear plus-sized clothing, I am a size 12, which is the size of the models that typically depict “plus-sized” fashions. (At least, that’s what America’s Next Top Model has told me. Tyra’s an authority figure, right?)

Here are more details, in case anyone cares. (I don’t imagine you do, but I really love to make a good list):

Tuesday the 26th: amber beagle necklace that represents Beagle-Dog (seasonal amber mall kiosk), damask short-sleeved hoodie (thrifted), argyle Alternative Apparel tank (bought wholesale through my store), tight dark jeans (thrifted), lace-up brown leather boots (Target or somesuch big-box store), & Marc Ecko skull tattoo purse (light brown, lined in red) (TJ Maxx).

Wednesday the 27th: white lacy cable-knit cardigan (thrifted), draped black tunic (American Eagle), boot-cut light blue jeans (Talbots, thrifted), black platform-heeled boots (mall somewhere), & black/white leather purse (Target).

Thursday the 28th: pendant necklace (more about this in a moment), pleated purple tee (thrifted), pink thermal (bought wholesale through my store), boot-cut dark jeans (thrifted), & Sketchers shape-up sneakers (bought in the mall). The pendant necklace has three charms: 1) a handcrafted star pendant Mr. Suburb bought for me; 2) a St. Francis pendant I bought to protect Beagle-Dog from evil; and 3) a birthstone pendant from my bestie from elementary school, which supposedly represented me (I liked pink and never wore skirts).

Also, every day, I wear a Fossil watch with a mother-of-pearl inlay that my Mom gave me for Festivus/Winterfest a few years ago. It came with a pink band, but I wore it through and replaced it with a black band, which is less fun but more versatile. I also wear a ring that was my grandmother’s before she passed, which is now my & Mr. Suburbia’s engagement ring. (Much cheaper and easier this way. We’d originally been talking about buying a cubic zirconia and telling everyone it was real, and this cost even less than that. It didn’t even need to be resized.)

That’s all, folks! More illustrations and adventures to come. For now, though:

This is Beagle-Dog (right) and his bestie Pollyanna (left) living the dream in our kitchen. They wish all of you a happy day.

Although Mr. Suburb, Beagle-Dog and I have no plans to move for another 2-3 years, I occasionally give thought to our next suburban locale. Aside from the dull and obvious (jobs, a place to live), here are some other things that our next Suburb of Choice would ideally have (in no particular order):

♥ Book resources.

First and foremost, a good library is the backbone of a strong community. Strong stance, I know, but they’re bastions of knowledge, literacy, and accessibility. They’re free. They have lots of books (the good ones even have new releases), and can often order in others at your request. They have subscriptions to magazines and occasionally have bitching used-book sales. They also are places for people without good heating/air conditioning to spend time in. You don’t get kicked out for dawdling in a library (unless it is, of course, closing time). They strike me as one of the most important things a society can have. (Aside from, uh, health care, which we still seem to lack, but that’s definitely another story for another day.)

Secondly, a community-oriented bookstore is also key. Bookstores, much like libraries, are spots where you rarely get kicked out and can learn plenty of things. This is where you can get your trashy or esoteric stuff ordered in without the librarian judging you; this is where you can be guaranteed a shot at the new releases and can keep your goodies forever. Lots of bookstores (as well as, I suppose, libraries) will have readings. I went to a Chuck Palahniuk (most noted for writing Fight Club) reading at The Strand in NYC and will never forget it.

♥ A local music venue.

Albums are great, but sometimes you want to see a band in person. Arenas can be fun, but you don’t get that personal experience of getting all close to your favorite musicians. Back when my current ’burb rocked a little place called the Crowbar, I got to see acts like Charlotte Martin, Breaking Benjamin, Presidents of the United States of America, and Jimmy’s Chicken Shack perform. (The place was, unfortunately, not pulling in enough money, and was replaced with another place, which has also shut down.) Wilkes-Barre, the armpit of Pennsylvania, had a little place called Metro, which had a lot of punk acts perform. I don’t like punk, and never have, but my friend Cory (click for his blog) did, and he and I went there all the time went there almost every weekend. It was great to get out of the house and flail around and experience other people doing the same thing – and for much cheaper than arena seating.

♥ Thrift/consigment shops.

A large Goodwill/Salvo is a must. A good thrift combines style, price, recycling, charity, and the element of surprise – all under one roof. There are days when you don’t find shit, and other days when you stumble upon an elegant cable-knit white sweater with the tags still on (this past Tuesday) and think maybe the Universe still cares about you. Just a little. Consignment and sell-back stores are a rung down on this ladder, because they take the thrill out of it. The joy is finding something decent in a load of rubble for uber-cheap; they’ve already found it, and have charged you for this service. Plus, they rarely go to a good cause, which eliminates the only justification possible for buying more clothes. (I could get rid of approximately half of my clothes and probably still go a month or so without having to go to the Laundromat.)

♥ Town culture/activities.

I like it when people of all ages, colors, and walks of life come together for group ritual. For example, my current town throws a festival on New Year’s Eve, and then a more arts-specific one in mid-summer, both of which get children and old people and artsy people and performers involved. NYC has the ball-drop and the Macy’s Day Parade; New Orleans has Mardi Gras; parts of Japan have cherry festivals. In my old town, there were tons of haunted houses for charity. Whatever seasonal/group activity it is, I want it to be cool, and preferably have a plot that’s not 100% devoted to drinking or destruction. (One might argue that Mardi Gras is such an occasion, but I think that mask-wearing is so cool that it doesn’t matter.)

♥ Good public schools.

I draw pictures all day, and will be married to someone who intends to teach. Private school, therefore, isn’t an option; and when I start popping kids out of these birthing hips, I want somewhere good to put them.

♥ Going-out spots (bars).

There are four kinds of these: Dancing, Looking Snazzy, Trivia, and Mellow. A dancing bar has upbeat, loud music; brightly-dressed people, sparkling lights; and a smooshed dance floor. A looking-snazzy bar is the opposite of a dive bar: it’s where people always show up looking impeccable, and you can sport your fancy new duds without looking confused or out of place. A trivia bar is fairly self-explanatory; sometimes you just want to let everyone around you know that you spent your formative years fine-tuning your knowledge of Nickelodeon’s most forgettable moments. Finally, a mellow bar is a sort of unpopular place (typically due to location, price, or theme) at which you can always find a seat and you never have to yell to make yourself heard.  The mellow bar is the most key to an introvert like me, but there’s a time and a place for all.

Oh, and important: all night spots must be LGBT-friendly. If I can’t go somewhere with all of my friends, it’s not worth the price of admission, even if it’s free.

♥ An art/craft scene.

I’d like local art alliances, consignment stores for my crafts (like the HodgePodgery in Harrisburg, which is currently selling some of my wares), opportunities to draw nude models, places to take classes, new people to meet via Stitch and Bitch sessions, etc. If I’m moving to a new place, that’d be a good way to meet new people.

♥ A video game scene.

This isn’t for me, but for my husband-to-be, Mr. Suburb. His request for this list (in addition to his strong support of the music option, mentioned above) was an indie video game store.  We also used to have game tournaments, big ones, in his old apartment, and people came from all over the place to challenge each other. Gamers are sweet, goofy folks with a pretty solid and sweet community. Our current town has a hobby shop with a big picture of an Orc in the window. It sells multi-sided dice and Cthulu plushies. The last time I went there, the guy behind the counter was watching a VHS tape of a Dr. Who Dalek battle. This is a pretty fun resource, but not quite what we’re going for.

♥ Independent clothiers.

It sounds snobby to say, but sometimes the mall underwhelms, as does the thrift.  When this happens, it sometimes helps to go visit a locally-owned clothing store. It has completely different things from different merchants. Sometimes, depending on where you are, this can be an expensive undertaking, but it can be worth it for the tailoring, originality, and/or materials. There are a few spots downtown where I’ll buy a few items a year, which I think of as “investment pieces” that I break out for special occasions (weddings, graduations, etc) or when I’m feeling really low. They’re costly, but I take good care of them. I treasure them just a little bit more than all of the surrounding garments.

♥ Food.

I’d like a grocery store with low-key, full-spectrum lighting; fresh produce, organic choices; and an area in the back where you can buy candy and nuts by the pound (like my Wegman’s currently does). I’d also like local farms: their milk is the freshest and lasts the longest; and farmer’s markets have great baked goods, flowers, potted plants, fruits, veggies; and the occasional soaps, sauces, and crafts.

♥ A gym.

My current gym is a YMCA that tends to get crowded, especially after the New Year (now) and after work (my favorite time to go). People beat me to the elliptical machines, which are calorie-burning parallel universes of delight, and I have to kill time on other machines until one opens up. My parents, on the other hand, have a large, sparsely populated gym with an indoor track and classes that are free to members. (Then again, my gym has a lot of cool features that I don’t use and probably should: there’s a pool, as well as a rock wall that I’m too scared to use.)

♥ A dog park.

Beagle-Dog needs exercise, too. I’d prefer if he romped with other dogs instead of overly-loving our poor, beleaguered guests.

♥ Outdoorsy opportunities.

I never camp. I sleep in beds and shower every day. That said, I really do occasionally like to visit the great outdoors for brief periods of time, namely hikes where I strap Beagle-Dog to my waist and traipse around fairly easy trails for an hour or so. Then I can spend the rest of the day being exaggeratedly tired and telling everyone how adventurous I am. I would not like to lose this. Besides, it’s occasionally cool to see sweet-ass stuff, like the time I saw a school of tadpoles swarming underwater, or the baby bunny. And it’s fun when Beagle-Dog and I get swarmed by Girl Scouts on adventure-trips; he’s endearingly good-natured about it, sitting calmly while about fifty hands go for him at once. It’s also a good way to spend an afternoon with a friend and actually talk without being bombarded with other clutter, like TVs, computers, etc.

♥ Jews.

Last but never least! This is a weird one, but I’m going to include it anyway. Although I’ve never practiced and only one of my parents is Jewish (heritage-wise, Bar Mitzvahed, non-practicing), I still really feel at home with Jewish people around. They have my hair, my hips, and my humor. They use Yiddish, skew liberal, and have some mighty fine food (well, mostly just challah). I’m keen on them. I like to have them around.

My current suburb has pretty much all of these (except for the music and video game venues, alas), and I really like it here.

What’s on your ideal-town list? What’s mine missing? Do you know of any towns that meet these criteria?

My brother, fiancé, and I went to see the epic film 2012 at the dollar theatre. Mere words cannot describe the experience, so I sketched up a few movie posters to give you a better idea:

And (click for bigger):

This instant classic was a fist-pumping LOLfest. I would say I spent at least 75% of it shrieking, clapping, snarking, pointing enthusiastically into the screen, punching the air, jumping, smacking my forehead, flailing and/or throwing my head into the shoulders of my companions. (It’s permissible to do these things at the dollar theatre. I wasn’t as schizophrenic or alone in these endeavors as it may sound). There was a lot of involvement, to say the least. About five minutes in, I begged my fiancé to buy the movie for me on Blue-Ray. (It should be pointed out here that I own many things sarcastically, and then when I go through my movie collection, it’s a lot of what could be called “greatest hits of the $5 bin,” and I rarely find anything I truly want to see.)

That aside, I have something else hilarious for you:

I found it in Google Image search when I typed in “Russian Man” for the above poster. It’s just funny. I wound up using Stalin anyway.

And finally, I had good hair yesterday.

It was curly, and I had it back in sparkly clippies. Later, I tugged the back into a loose bun, and it looked, according to more than one person, like a prom hairdo. I also rocked a unicorn necklace that looked like this:

Because it went with the curly hair’s whimsical vibe. And, much like my movie collection, my jewelry collection has a lot of, er, winners that I bought because they were funny. Mine came from a local state fair, and a woman engraved my name into it by hand. (It was cursive, and she did a surprisingly good job).

If anyone else has any sarcastic movie or jewelry suggestions, please send them my way. If not, happy Thursday — enjoy Fringe!

Walter = ♥

Hello, suburbanites and treasured guests. Happy Friday!

The fact that WoW players don’t get to get laid is mean-spirited but typically true.

To tell you the truth, this illustration mostly occurred because I wanted to draw those creepy bird-mask outfits from the black plague. They’re basically very early hazmat suits.

Also, when I went online to research how gas masks looked, I encountered this:

(Click here for original article on Craftster)

Another thing created today was this illustration, a request. I have no idea what it means.

Someone suggested that since Jesus/God was all-seeing and all-knowing, He’d automatically win every game. Speaking of win, here’s me as a Jersey Shore denizen:

You, too, can Jersey Shore yourself. The website actually invites you to “pound out” your character. My Jersey Shore name, as suggested by my friend Cat, is “the Illa-Straytuh.” The doodle above isn’t as skank-dressed as she could be, but in order to get her to be curvy on the bottom, I had to add weight to the entire character; and the ensuing busom-addition exposure would just be a tragic lie. I’m flat:

(Deer in headlights expression!)

I wore pink today because I was representing my store at a Think Pink high school basketball game. (We donated their t-shirts). I didn’t wind up getting acknowledged at halftime as I’d sort of expected, so I stood awkwardly up there, my wave pent up inside me until I could scuttle sideways off the court. But I had great new lipstick on and a wacky, huge pink necklace. I felt fab anyway, and let’s face it: awkwardness is my milieu.

On that final note of awkwardness, tonight is Conan’s last night. Turns out CoCo is a No Go. He will be sorely missed.

Inspiration:

I suppose if I were really going for the pinup thing, I’d dye my hair blonde, but I just can’t. It’s not for me. But I think I might play with this look a little more. I could stand to, uh, try once in a while.